Dariku untukmu

In a few months will be your birthday again. It feels like it was just yesterday I was trying to call you to wish you a happy birthday but it was just your voicemail.

 
It breaks my heart that you can't even reply to a friendly gesture anymore but I know that was a privilege that I had blown. Here we are 4 years later, and never have I appreciated Soo much the love you had for me.

You gave me that chance, you opened your heart and you let me love you and you loved me back. Now if I dare have feelings for the other man I am nothing but a fool. I can't give my everything anymore.

It is hurtful to say but I have no option but to turn my heart off. Expectations only lead to let downs. You were the one, and I wasted my time testing you all the way. I can assure you any pain I gave you I am suffering for a lifetime. I can do nothing but pray day and night you are happy, healthy and blessed. I wish I knew. I wish I still knew you. I wish I could still love you, but those times are past.

So I sit here writing this to ease my aching heart. I knew you will never read this but I just want to thank you for giving me a chance. Because nevermind the love we shared, just that chance you gave me is more than anyone else has done for me since.

"Waking up in the morning was never been the same,
Yes, the sun still shines at the east but I’ll never be with this man
Who makes my difficult days so easy passing by, who turns my gloomy days into bright and shine.

All was quiet.
all was calm,
Not a moment to soon not a moment to late fate had already got the best of me,
Pain has over seas me within the heart of me i'm tore apart, am losing hope,
i can't take it no more,
I'm no longer anything nor do i have anything left to offer

I'm nothing but what is left of me a wind of breath that is leaping out of me for help

I try to calm my self and let my self know , nothing is going to stop for what is about to happen,
My body shivers and my mind breaks lose there is nothing left for me to do

But to fall here flat on the floor all in blur I can't see out,
I'm now a dead  soul,  gone the only love of my life 

I am aim't nothing but a blur at the end of life."

As I read his last love letter tears can’t help but flow and drop into the scented papers,
How much love was worn out? How much memories gone into the midst of nowhere how many tears can be possibly vanished into the air?

The letter says his love for me

 I remember clearly how severely the pains in me; yes its so painful to recall that once your always at my side, people smiles at us approving the closeness of two souls. But does it make sense to you? Because for me how much perfect it was for them; I don’t care, for as long as our imperfections made perfect when were together... always

 

But I need to say goodbye, I needed to….even if I don’t wanted to….This life time wasn’t enough for me to show you how much ” I love you”. Don’t ever think that it’s too late, for loving doesn’t have an accurate time.

I missed the painful moment  of seeing him lying in the hospital bed , opportunity no more for me to confess the words  “I love you”.  He’s her greatest regret, He’s her undying love. She's too sorry for when rereading once love letters for the last time today after 3 years passed by.

 

I lost my true love that night, I don't know how many souls can relate to me. Him is everything that I've ever wanted. All of my life I thought I already knew what love is. But he showed me a whole new meaning of love.

Time seems to stop when I'm with him, we can talk for countless hours, his soul seems to be connected to me, I can easily understand what he feels, I can easily know what is on his mind. I just love everything about him, his posture is perfect, the smell of his cologne, his deep eyes. My hands fits perfectly to his hands when we hold each other. His face is so cool and relax and whenever our eyes met I can see through  his sad soul, just a tint of his smile I just knew how much he loves me. I just love him in so many ways.

I want to be with him but we met very late... Time is soo envy on us, its just that as I want to give up everything that I have I realised that it will hurt other people that I love. I chose not to hurt the people I love over him, I chose to let him go in order for me to stop hurting him, I chose to be dead inside so he can have his life back. How I wish that my life is not complicated so I can be happy, so we can be happy.
Only if I had known..

It's been years but I swear there was never a day that I did not think of him, I said to myself that if I just forget him for a day maybe I can start to move on, but it never happened. Each day of my life I still remember him, anything seems to remind me of him. I am dead inside and he is the only one who can bring back the life inside of me. My life seems perfect from the outside, but my heart is just totally missing, he took it with him when he died. before, I had many chances to bring him back to me but I chose what seems to be right in the sight of everyone. I chose not to hurt others, I chose to forget myself, I chose to let go of my true love so he can have a new life, I hope he will be happy even without me. But as for me I know I will just spend the rest of my life reminiscing our time together and imagining what could have been if I chose my own happiness over the happiness of others...

Only if I had known

 

That day.. that scary day of my life, the doctor called and told me that the love of my life involved in a cruel accident occured at 1:55 and by 2:15pm he was pronounced dead upon arrival to the hospital.
Seeing him tore my heart apart. His handsome face brutally bruised in worst way imaginable, his full lips where cut and purple. He eyes where closed and his ear were blue. Tears rushed down my eyes. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. I loved him with all my heart... that is the last day I've seen him..

 
Its been a year since he was taken from me but I will never forget how wonderful and loving he was, how he loved everyone and how many loved him. He taught me a lot about religion, faith, life, friendship and love. There is always a place for him in my heart, till the day we meet again.

 

If I had the magic wand that could make you stay,
I would have used it to tie you down and

Keep you forever like a fibre in my body because

You were extremely gorgeous,
wonderful, naughty and lovely to me.

I love You and I will always remember you,

the most precious and your worth in my life

no matter what has happened.

Thank you for everthing and every moments
we shared together.